By the way, Karl's reaction to me telling him I was pregnant was to stare blearily at the odd plastic stick I'd just handed him, and say "No, you're not." to which I replied, in a slightly hysterical whine "Yes, I am." Then we were happy and huggy and I slipped a quick look to check for the plus sign because hey, lunacy runs in my family.
Sunday was difficult. We were both so damn happy yet so afraid that it was a false positive. We would blow ourselves up spinning daydreams and then tell each other not to get TOO happy. Plus there was a Father's Day lunch with everyone attending.
We had to keep our mouths shut and try not to walk on air. Because what if...
The only thing that was keeping me from shaking to bits and yet another ulterior motive for doing the test on Sunday was the fact that I had a doctor's appointment on Monday. I might have blown a gasket otherwise.
We dropped Lora at work then Karl dropped me off at the doctor. He went back to the bakery to await my call. (I wonder if the not knowing was as hard as that time I got detained in customs and he didn't know where I was.) Standing in line to sign in for my appointment and I was vibrating. Practically jumping out of my skin. I was also stressed because there were soooooooooo many people ahead of me. I was going to have to wait forever, I was sure.
The wait (at least for the nurse to call my name) was mercifully short. The nurse took me back and weighed me, noting that I'd lost eleven pounds from my previous visit. (Yay, Weight Watchers!) After she had me situated in an exam room I sprang it on her. "So I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive..." She asked if I was happy about it and I said I didn't quite believe it because well, I'm thirty five. She decided that peeing in a cup would be our best course of action. So I did and then went back to exam room 5 to wait.
Anyone who's ever waited for an answer that could change everything knows that endless tense stretched out feel that time gets. I told myself not to cry if the answer was no and by the time Dr. Lippman showed up I'd almost convinced myself that I wouldn't. He sat down to talk to me, saying things about a serum pregnancy test and blah, blah, blah that had me worried. "Was the test negative? Okay, I can be big girl about this, just spit it out. Jesus!" I thought. Then he asked me if I was happy about it. I told him if we were pregnant it would be wonderful but that we could handle the disappointment if it wasn't the case. Then he asks if I'd taken the test yet. I am so relieved he didn't tell me the result was negative that I forget to be irritated at him for stringing me along.
Dr. Lippman went off to find out the results and I sat in my time syrup with my heart and my logic stretching me in two different directions. He had the nerve to stop and talk to the nurse outside the door. I could hear his voice but not the words. "Is that concern? Oh God, I really am a nutter. He's not gonna let it go at that either, he's going to make me take a serum pregnancy test so we can dance on this dream after we kick it to death." The door opens...smiling Dr. Lippman, thumbs up Dr. Lippman, yes, you really are pregnant Dr. Lippman. I want to dance. I want to cry. I want sing out my joy and I want to call my husband. I can tell that the smile on my face is my whole face and I can't stop beaming. I'm pregnant! I'm gonna have a baby. The doctor said so, yes, he did.
The thing I want to do the most on that list, is call Karl. I can't though, I'm in the doctor's office. Damnit! It was hard to listen to what I was being told and thank God they wrote stuff down for me because I really don't remember much. As soon as they would let me checkout I called Karl.
My sister answered the phone and to her I sounded upset. (I wasn't) She told Karl I sounded upset before she handed him the phone and then I said "Do you want me to tell you now or just let you twist?" His reply "Just hold on a second babe..." Then
he put me on hold and went in search of a modicum of privacy. He found privacy but no phone signal behind the bakery. So I called back as he was finding a signal halfway up the stairs. Poor Karl. I bet that was a long thirty seconds.
I didn't make him twist though. I called him daddy and you know I could feel his smile through the telephone wires. I could feel it across two miles of road between us and it was warm, so warm.
He might have drove just a little too fast to come and get me...