Monday, November 06, 2017

The world's worst cat died today.

 She was mean, she would scratch whoever she thought she could get away with. She was unfriendly, hated the dog and would attack him at any opportunity. She wanted us to pet her but didn't want us to touch her and the battles she fought over this paradox were both amusing and frustrating. She was loud and obnoxious. She liked to knock things over and sit in places that she wasn't supposed to. She sometimes peed in the water dish. If she didn't see you feed her it didn't happen and she would meowl loudly, refusing to eat until you put a few bits of food in her dish. She would eat the dog's food, balanced on the edge of his bowl, straddling it to show him who was boss. She was petty and rotten and low on charm.

 People would ask us why we kept her. An unsocialised, neurotic mess of anger, distrust and claws...If we had given her to a shelter she would never have been readopted.

 She was the worst but she was our worst and we loved her. Oh Don Piano I hope you are in a better place. I hope you are being petted and that you like it. I hope you know your food dish is full, that the dog knows who's in charge and there's all sorts of shit to knock on the floor and sit on. Goodbye you miserable creep of a cat. I miss you so much already...

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